Ok, so you’re on the quest to get into the best shape of your life, right? You’re sick of looking at Crossfit athletes and Instagram models wishing that you possessed all the lean, shapely, muscly-ness that they do and it’s finally time for a change.

Step 1, you’re in research mode. Crossfit, F-45, Soul Cycle or Good Life? Do I want to be a runner or a bodybuilder, or both? How much does each of these avenues cost? What does my choice of fitness say about me???

Step 2, you buy the clothes. A crucial step toward the goal of this “new you” as no one in the history of human beings has EVER gotten a 6 pack while wearing an old baggy cotton t-shirt. Don’t ask me how, it’s science.

And finally, Step 3, you actually work out for a couple weeks, motivated by the endorphin rush you get from moving your bod for the first time in a while and the hypnotic base that accompanies you every time you start slingin’ iron around.

A few weeks go by and you feel so much better, as your friends and family quickly become sick of hearing/reading/talking about. But with determination on your side and a newly developed agility, you quickly dodge the naysayers negativity and head to the kale smoothie place down the street to drink your forth “superfood muscle madness” smoothie of the week. The stars are aligned and the fire is burning baby! The recovery protocol is non-existent but hey! you can’t spend all your time on fitness right? And plus, you do a little 3 minute cool down at the end of your HIIT classes so you’re goooooood.

Maybe you push yourself to reach new found heights? Maybe you shed a few burgers and start to like what you see in the mirror? And maybe, just maybe you sign up for a competition and take home an “I participated in this” t-shirt. You are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul and if you’ve learned anything from that timeless poem it’s that the meaning of life is found in the validation you get from others.

You’re smart right? Then how many times are you going to do this to yourself? How many times are your eyes going to dictate your actions. You know that motivation ends, life is hard, things get in the way and a cold beer on the patio sounds pretty good in the summer. You even know that the extreme line you’ve taken to “get into shape” isn’t sustainable and you probably don’t even like doing the thing you choose during Step 1. But at this point you probably identify as a and don’t want to feel like a failure if you just up and leave. Therein lies the problem.

You’re so focused on trying to create this new identity that you fail to see where that thought is even coming from. Did you think of it? Or is the cycle of worthlessness, followed by mimicry, and ultimately failure to reach an unrealistic mark a learned behaviour? Who in the hell is behind this incessant scheme of having you question your self-worth by throwing professional body-sculptures with crazy genetics in your face? WHO I ASK? WHO??

It’s you bitch! Don’t you see? You’ve been using your judgment of other people AND consequently the judgement they throw back at you to produce a clearer picture of who you are. But the messed up thing is that that line of thinking only distorts what was already there. You’re so consumed with trying to look a certain way that you fail to accept yourself for the way you look right now. No one is saying don’t work out or don’t try to better yourself, especially me! I’m saying do it and do it some more. Just do it for your-damn-self. When you turn the light on the rest of the world you fail to see what’s going on inside. As the wise Tyler Durden once said, “you’re not your job, you’re not the contents of your wallet… you’re not your fuckin’ khakis”. Just as you’re not your past and all the times you failed or fucked up. You’re not the image you see in the mirror or what anyone might say about it. This idea of “you” is just an image concocted by the very thing that says it’s not good enough.

What do you really want? Where is the answer coming from? Push the noise aside and get in touch with who you really are right now. Not the person you wish you were or the image you’ve carefully painted for others to see. Get in touch with the truth and accept it, fully. Then and only then will lasting change be achievable as no matter what you choose it will always be accompanied by a deep acceptance for wherever you land.

Trust that the answers you need are already with you and be weary of those who are trying to sell them back to you. Be brave enough to take a look inside. You might just find what you’re looking for.